jottings 2008

The purpose of the jottings page is to show news and publish my ramblings, we will try and place the latest news at top of page, so here goes.....

6th December 2008
I haven't been around for a while, due to life mainly!
Things about to change employment wise.

Let me talk about prayer.
First off, I don't believe in 3 wishes to a fairygodmother ....... I reckon most christians would agree with that but then a high percentage would then go off and behave as if God/Jesus was indeed a fairy godmother.... For the none believers, well, I am amazed as I go on my travels the perceptions and beliefs that people have and mostly because they cannot get along with what "church" does or says... this is the fault of Constantine. Sorry if I'm boring you, but it is.

Christendom is not how Christianity was meant to be. In the UK we are now leaving the age of Christendom, praise the Lord.... but, back to none believers, I'm actually amazed at what some people "do believe".

So Prayer, if it isn't about instant gratification what is it about ?
20 years ago my father was lying in bed crushed by emphasymia and I prayed like never before..... then after 2 days he died. A few years ago my mum had lung cancer and again I delivered the absolute to the point prayers I have ever spoken, but she too died soon after.
So, fairy godmother prayers don't work.
Can we agree on that?

Yet....

20 years on, I can say that Jesus answered my prayers, it's just that he does it His way and in His time and yet I hear you say "but it's too late your mum and dad died". Yes they did, but here we lose the ability to put into words what we feel spriritually and no, I am not constructing my own brand of new christianity, but i can honestly say that jesus answered my prayers.

Sorry for getting "religious on you".

Now another subject : PURPOSE

Faced with redundancy and the "first time in 34 years that I have ever been in a benefits office....." well, I've started to look at what I might do employment wise.

Favourite at the moment is to do something "worthwhile and with people who can't help themselves" - my word for the next 6 mths is PURPOSE.

Our lives need purpose.

That is why the super rich are bored and why the ultra poor are paralysed as they sit in front of their Sky enabled TV's and smoke and drink and hide from the rest of the world.

Both extremes have no purpose.

As for the in-betweenies, well most of us are too busy chasing wealth all in an attempt to live easy lives .....

Only a few, achieve PURPOSE.

It's my turn now.

23rd October 2008
I feel better now!

21st October 2008
I am 51 and have had some CRAP days in my life. Today wasn't the worst, not by a long way actually, but it will defo be a day that is filed under C for CRAP.
That is all.

8th October 2008
You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink.... yep, as i grow older my interest in these old phrases gets keener and I find myself smiling as once again the true meaning of these sayings comes out in something I am involved in within my real life!
Without going into detail, I have been trying very hard to help a number of truly "needy people" lately and no matter how hard I try and no matter that I am doing this voluntary work for no profit or boosting of ego, the adage about horse and water keeps cropping up! Some people just seem to consistently make bad choices! - i have examined my own motives and i have checked these out with respected and experienced people who i know and those that are experienced smile in a knowing fashion at me!

27th September 2008
Thought it was time to show some more pictures of MY guitars, after showing someone elses last time out! - So the sunburst one is my Variax and I have equipped it with a Roland GK-3 Hex pick-up which allows me to drive the Roland GR20 guitar synth & possibly a VG99 if I get around to buying one!

Below is the Chinese strat copy - this one is a Stagg and cost approx £100 !! it plays beautifully & has one of the nicest thinest necks I have ever played!

I know what some of you are thinking....."he could have polished them and got rid of the fingermarks couldn't he?" but, you see, although my guitars are pristine everytime I change their strings and clean them up, I have sweaty hands, hence a lot of re-strings! and I leave my paw marks everywhere! In any case, these are working guitars, the VAX is used almost exclusively these days in the studio and the Stagg was pictured this evening straight after cominmg home from a gig at KK.

22nd September 2008
Tawkin' of "cheats always beat", I came across something else this week locally.... a drug dealer/loan shark, who was brought up on and "owned" a notorious housing estate near to me now lives in a house that you would call a mansion ... "crime doesn't pay" ..... what's wrong with this world???????? (read Job Graham,and you'll see that injustice is for the Lord to sort out, not me/you!!!)

21st September 2008
Just a thought ... I bet our forefathers here in the North of England who dreamt and built and kept for many years "The BUILDING SOCIETY" are rolling in their graves right now, after the CITY boys got hold of them, turned 'em into er .... Banks and now we have financial disaster!
Oh yeah, and just to put things right let me emphasise that these city boys who are paid nonsense money (even though they have cocked up) might get bailed out by some suckers..... called er.... taxpayers.

Cheats always beat!......... BLAHHHHHHHHH

18th September 2008
Thought it was worth showing a bigger piccy of that Shine Guitar!
You know, way back, when I was earning 50p per day as a milk round boy...yes really! I used to stare at pictures of Gibson Les Pauls and Fender Stratocasters, but they were way out of reach. Copies of such guitars were all that I could aspire to,but in later life I realised that these copies were, er.... poor! - However, I own a chinese £100 Stagg and look again at this Shine Guitar, believe me they play as well as they look, things have vastly improved!!!!!!!

16th September 2008
Below are a couple of pictures of a guitar recently purchased by a friend of mine, we are talking circa £100 ie cheap in money terms! The guitar is a Shine Guitar, made somewhere in the far east and incredible value!

The Guitar plays brilliantly has a humbucker in the bridge position and a lovely maple neck/fingerboard and just look at that flame or is that a striped veneer finnish as well as "Binding"! I mean "binding" on a £100 guitar.

I'll say a bit more about this later!

2nd June 2008
Here is an extract from a recent interview I was asked to do..............

graham 2 Graham Fell, welcome to this edition of Dayspring's e-mag! As always, we'll start with a few quick questions:

Where were you born?
Leeds, where else?
What's the last band/artist you were listening to?
Mattias ia Eklundh playing his "the road less travelled" album
What's your favourite guitar (you don't have to own it but you may!)?
I love my Variax 600 (that I fitted a Roland Guitar synth hex pick-up to)
In three words, describe Leeds.
Evolving, Industrious and Friendly
What gets you most excited about God?
The enormity of what he is, what he does and what he's done.
The way his thinking and values are often exactly the opposite of our human inclinations.

Tell us a bit about yourself:
Married with 2 grown up daughters, been in telecoms and datacomms for most of my working life. Been a part of Dayspring Church since the beginning. Can't get away from youth or childrens voluntary work. I am Loyal.
Friendly most of the time. Can't stand losing at any game, particularly football (dad used to tell me that I needed to learn how to be a good loser.. But I never did, always too interested in winning!) - long suffering LUFC supporter (Yes, I'm one that even goes when they are in div 3) -Used to be the chief test pilot at the local radio controlled model plane club - Ace table tennis player! - humble..
I enjoy a beer, good food, wine and Spain.

You are a keen guitarist and musician, tell us how you got into this?
Taught myself Guitar at 11. Wrote my first song at 13 (it was rubbish!).
Been in a number bands, felt the buzz, got bored, can't stand "covers", prefer originality but the philistines don't recognise class...
Went into semi-recluse musical life and taught myself how to operate a Project Studio, released 2 x CD albums - both failed miserably, but I enjoyed putting them together.
Best gig was when a band I was in called "Sack the Sax" played ARMLEY Jail in Leeds. ask me about it!
I now concentrate on creating a wide variety of songs and tunes ranging from numerous Rock genres, Jazz , Country, Fusion, Experimental and even Rap and Dance.
I may make a comeback with Praise and Worship, but if I do it won't be like the traditional way! - dare me!!!!!!

You record a lot of music, what have you been recording recently and how can we listen to it?
Go to www.bernamica.com (my own designed website that I created whilst recovering from pneumonia) on the home page there is a Music Streamer. On the music page you can download for FREE a lot of my music (mp3 format). Or go to www.myspace.com/bernamicagray and again you can hear my music.
If you really want to help, go to www.mychristianbands.com join as a fan and give Bernamica Gray some rave reviews!!!

I am on a secular music forum called www.guitarcollective.org.uk/forum and each month a musical task is announced, I am so sad that I have contributed every month with a full recording for 17 months on the trot, so far!

Why does music mean so much to you?
Like all teenagers it started as an "identity", then I got into the "maths" of it, soon it was an outlet for my rage and angst, then it became soothing and restful.
I just love listening and making music - music is the soundtrack to life.
Frank Zappa, that lover of Christians (not) said "music is the best" and he was nearly right.
I still get goosebumps when listening to a new album by an artist who I rate and believe it or not my own music on occasion gives me the chills as well!
I love the technical aspect of music and at the same time love the simplicity.

Most bizarre thing I've seen was when a chap was taking his 4 foot long Monitor Lizard for a walk

You were one of the founders of Kidz Klub tell us just one story from your experience that sums up how important KK is as a project.
Oh man! I have loadsa stories about KK!
I think the best way I can sum it up is to tell you that way back in 1981 I was married at Corpus Christi catholic church on the edge of Halton Moor. As I was posing with my bride for the piccys, I was staring above the heads of the onlookers at the Halton Moor estate, which was notorious and even appeared in the 80's on BBC panorama. I remember looking at that estate, referred to by the locals as "The Zoo" (work it out!) and was thinking to myself "what a Godforsaken place that is!". Then 10 years ago we started JAZZ (a pre-cursor to KK) in Osmondthorpe and Halton Moor and for the past 8 years we have done KK and I have visited on average 100 kids every week on the Halton Moor estate. I KNOW now that God has NOT FORSAKEN that place nor the people! I love that estate and the people probably more than where I actually live!
I remember the lack of interest in us when we started and the apathy, but now we are an accepted part of the scene and have become "street furniture" on the estate.

Just lately I have met a number of young men and young ladies whilst doing my Kids Klub "round" and they all remind me that they used to come to KK when they were kids and they speak very fondly of their time there, some of those ladies are now pushing prams and it won't be long before I meet one at the bus stop and they introduce their little 4 year old to us..

Most bizarre thing I've seen in the last 8 years was when a chap was taking his 4 foot long Monitor Lizard for a walk on Ullswater Crescent..

You are a regular on the forum of the Network Leeds website, tell us why you got into this and how you've benefited from it.
For years I have sat in the congregation listening and hanging onto every word that the preacher said.. Except often I didn't agree and wanted to discuss, but Church is still built on Constantine principles, so we generally don't get to discuss (though Dayspring caters for this more than most I've seen!), so I ventured onto the NL forum and started to make new friends there and felt that difficult subjects could get a proper airing and a proper discussion could be had. Subjects like Abortion and homo-sexuality are discussed and we end up teasing out the grey areas. Whereas in some churches the congregation is just expected to tow the party line.. Which is a shame as the 2nd half of my life has shown that Jesus embraced the grey areas and often gave a grey answer to the church leaders' "give me a black or white, yes or no answer" type questions..

Most life-changing book

You also like to read a lot (and we benefit loads from your reviews on this website!) tell us the most life-changing book you have read in the last year and how it has changed you.
The Bible, and especially the sermon on the mount.
If you read nothing else, read that! - Jesus just stood the world on its' head with that preach! And don't skim the bits that you think are not relevant nowadays, coz they are!

CREDO by Melvyn Bragg was the BOOK (historic novel actually) that got me into reading as it was set at the time of the first synod in whitby in 664 and described how Christianity actually arrived here in the north of England. That book answered my early questions and then I just went onto a journey searching out why church became the structure that it is and how wrong we have been..

Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell (he of NOOMA fame) is the easiest read and my recommendation to anyone who wants to read about current christianity and it is a short book!

1st June 2008
Things are always changing!
I am contemplating making another CD !   - I have been enjoying publishing my mp3's and giving them away for free and that will continue, but I am now being led towards a new project with a new style and a new perspective, which is great because I love the eclectic and variety that we can enjoy through music. Stay tuned for that!

As I get older I am seeing more and more broken people. More and more people disillusioned. Sign of the times I'm afraid. (mental note: "don't get illusioned , if you don't want to be disillusioned")

I've also come across people who won't agree with me about this, but have actually created their own brand of christianity that is actually based upon handed down sayings and myths rather than actual biblical passages, yet they are fervent in their brand. My oh my has Constantine got a lot to answer to!

Peace to all ........ boy, do we NEED peace!
Graham

1st May 2008
I have just been appointed the "TASKMASTER" for this months Guitarist Collective Forum - and I have given them (& me) the task of creating something "country", which just might provide the stimulus to get me going again! as I have stalled a bit this past week or so. Watch this space then for a new recording, in fact this will probably be the first "country recording" by Bernamica Gray!

I always make a point of voting in the General Election, but today are the Council elections, which I refer to as the pointless elections as where I live the same old same old always happens and I see no change! - You know I really do believe that politics are important and I am interested in it, however I can really understand why there is much apathy about it as there are no stand out people anymore that have a genuine and unique viewpoint or tremendous idea.

I also try and keep fotball out of my website, but my team, you know, the ones who are always punished harder than the rest (-15 pts this season after having 10 pts taken off us last season!) just got told that their appeal has been turned down and once again we see injustice in action...............

However........ just to keep a bit of perspective, I watched a long documentary last night on the Madalene McCann story and I really "feel" for those parents, there REALLY is no justice in this world, they can never escape that nightmare.  Also, my Brazillian friends are just amazing people, they have "nothing" (in materialistic and wealth terms) yet really enjoy life and are really "going for it" here in England, I love them!

Ok, just had an idea for my country tune, so I'm off to have a plinky plonk     .....

21st April 2008
Well "Grimshaw" the tune has really grown on me these past few days! I wasn't too sure at first, but yep I like it! - this really helps when the only person involved was of course just me!

After the "holidays" means I am now back doing my bit at KK and we had a decent 1st one last saturday.
I'm a bit tired of this website................ so i've been looking into trying to re-design it and thanks to my internet buddy from California (Norelpref - that is the name put onto US solidiers dog tags whilst serving in vietnam, IF they had no religious preference) who has pointed me towards the free software world of WORDPRESS.
So.... watch this space!

Had a few let downs lately and surprisingly they came from people who I really thought I could count on............ but..... then we enter the murky world of "perspective".
You see "perspective" as a word has followed me around these past 10 years and I'm starting to glimpse its' real meaning!
I really don't think these people had any real intention in doing me harm, well, that's what I choose to believe of them, but they certainly didn't bother taking their time to understand the effect upon me! but, that seems to be "life" these days!  people tend to be consumed by their own little worlds..... a bit like writing a blog with a yellow background and kidding yourself that thousands of people are hanging on every word....... ha ha !!!!!!

13th April 2008
I have just read an incredible book which was NOT written by a christian author. In fact the author is from my home city of Leeds and he is called Bernard Hare. this book got nominated for I think it was the Booker prize. Anyway it is a true story about some kids who lived in a shed and were surrounded by deep depravity, we are talking prostitution, hardcore drugs, sexual abuse and underage sex as well as glue sniffing and child battering...the story is brilliant and you have to read it as it is funny and dark at the same time.
Brilliantly written and I hope I meet up with the author some day!
It also got my attention due to the Kids Klub voluntary work I do here in the inner city of Leeds - the book is called "urban grimshaw and the shed crew".
So, after having a short break in Spain where I read this book, I decided to write my April guitarist collective task as a theme tune to a film of this book, not that there are plans to film it and not that my tunes would be considered, but anyway, download it from my music section!
Peace,
Graham

6th March 2008
More learning.
You know this "turn the other cheek" lark........? well, this is one of those Jesus sayings that most of us just skim over. I mean, it's just not practical is it? Especially in the violent society that we live in, right?       well....       no, wrong!
I was buying some tea bags the other evening about 6pm and having picked the 2 boxes up decided not to go right around the ailse and actually go to the front of the shop and find the end of the queue there. It was busy, apparantly lottery ticket buying night??? (having never ever bought one, how was I to know? ) Anyway, as I wondered towards the front of the shop where the queue and tills are, a young chap, taller than me but I didn't notice anything else about him, brushed past me quite quickly and he was carrying a very large crate/box of lager, as he went past and subsequently out of the door, it dawned on me that he was a thief, somehow thief sounds worse than shoplifter, but he was both. What I didn't know was that another chap had done the same thing fractionally before I saw this chap do it. Unfortunately by the time all of us in the queue had realised what had happened it was too late as the lads had dissappeared into the dark - not such a violent story but a sign of the "blatant" times we now live in.

I've also been learning about GRACE, something that we read but somehow always seem to not quite grasp.......
So, someone has done me a big injustice, normally I would get very agitated and perhaps seek revenge or at least try to point out to the purpatrator the error of their ways and the injustice of it all..... but......... I seem to be hearing the word G R A C E and I know I need to give this person boatloads of it, I will try.

So the offering of the other cheek business..... hmmmmmmm well up till now I have read that to mean be a pacifist, or be meek, or in 21st century terminology, be a wimp, except that just recently I have caught the odd glimpse of what "turning the other cheek" actually means! and it seems to be linked to GRACE & it is quite hard to do, in fact far from being a wimp, offering the other cheek and showing grace is a mighty powerful thing to do!, again i will try!

Sorry for going all religious on you, but for all the good works we might do (and some of us go far beyond the call of duty) actually, to God, they don't mean a jot, nada, zilch, nowt......... you see, all that God is interested in, is our heart and to see if it is good, so if we do great and good things but have an attitude or something that we are good at hiding or use our tongues unwisely, or gossip.... then in God's eyes, those good works count for nothing........   which is why showing grace even when we have been wronged and even offering the other cheek is one of Jesus's teachings, once again he taught something that stands the world on its' head! after all, who would turn the other cheek?
Learn.
Graham

25th February 2008
It's not often that I bother to mention other artists on here (no reason why or why not, actually!) but thought I'd quickly post my thoughts on LARRY NORMAN who has died, I think yesterday.
Larry, for those of you who don't know, was the father of "christian rock" and coined the title "why should the devil have all the good music?" on one of his songs.
Larry also had the best titled Album I ever heard, he called it "I'm only visiting this planet" which kind of summed him up!
Larry wore his hair long and blonde and he was one of the few rock stars who "really" had "presence", I remember seeing him at a concert just after he went through a divorce (divorce was taboo in those days especially amongst certain christian types...) and Larry didn't hide his feelings as he prowled and scowled his way through those concerts.
I also drove for hours to the souith of England to watch him at one of the "Greenbelt" concerts only to find out that he wasn't showing.... his mate Randy Stonehill filled in and er Cliff... but it wasn't the same for me, however as an aside, this was completely made up by the fact that at that concert I saw U2 and that was when Bono had a Mohican hairstyle and they wern't famous! In fact, they played in the late afternoon, when everybody was a bit fedup as personally i had thought the entire day was a waste of time and just wasn't in the mood to watch more dross.... then U2 came on and I remember saying to my brand new wife, "oh no! punks! I arn't watching punk rock" - remember I was well into progressive rock in those days and punk rock was crap as far as I was concerned... except, U2 started with Gloria or was it Fire? but anyway 2 songs into their set and I just couldn't stand still, they were BRILLIANT! - still are !
But anyway, let me just say "thankyou and goodnight" to the GREAT LARRY NORMAN, who I loved.
Rock on.
Graham

28th January 2008
I thought it was time to post an entry that follows up on my recent musical thoughts!
The first thing I ought to mention then, is that the collaborations that I have mentioned before seem to be coming to a crescendo! Joe and Chris are both meeting with me this week in a firm attempt to see what we can produce between us. Joe is a long time praise/worship type leader and won awards in his past and is looking for something "new" to turn his attention to and to re-vitalise his musical career. Chris who has trained as a professional producer and has a completely different taste in music, that being the electronica type pop music, is also looking to see what we can do new together and of course i guess I am the old rocker. The thing is though, we all are quite eclectic in our real tastes in music, it's just that up until now we have allowed our first love of music to overshadow what we have actually produced. So, the plan is to meet, jam and see if we like what results from it, but one thing that we have all agreed upon (and we have concluded this as individuals) is that the area to move into is that of the "groove".... it just seems to be where things are at the moment and it excites all 3 of us, so stay tuned and we'll see what transpires!

Maybe allied to the above, and maybe not! is my 2nd piece of personal music news!
I have written 3 or 4 songs just recently that can only be described as "praise and worship" songs..... now, I forget exactly when it was that my wife and I laid down our praise and worship days, but we are talking probably a couple of decades!
Quite honestly I haven't missed doing the P&W and while I'm being honest I also have to say that P&W just doesn't seem to have moved on.... and whilst I'm being contentious, P&W to my ears seems, well, boring.... don't get me wrong, I sing along with everyone else, but for me it just doesn't do it anymore....... until now!
So I have put these songs together and am still contemplating what to do with them. They may form part of the Joe and Chris thing, though I doubt it, they may just lay to one side for a while or alternatively i might just get motivated enough to record them properly and put together either a P&W album or EP. If I decide to do these songs live, then depending on the reaction I get, I can then decide if its worth "bothering" the christian record companies.... hmmmmmm, we'll have to see about that!
One thing is sure though and that is, these 3 or 4 songs are a complete departure to the style of music you have heard thus far from Bernamica Gray, so if I do decide to go ahead with this the album or EP will probably "go out" under my real name! so that anyone who expects an electric guitar laden shredfest will have to wait for the next "Bernamica Gray" release - though again, most of my BG stuff is now being offered for free on the music page as mp3's.

Right, I'd better dust off the old acoustic.................. Graham

16th January 2008
I have just posted another song onto my MUSIC page and it is entitled "Empire Captures" - it's a kind of "Rock Opera" style song.... I am getting a bit lazy regarding typing out lyrics, but this song should be quite easy to work out what I am singing about. Just in case you are feeling lazy too and want some notes, well here they come;-
Empires, from those in the age of Jesus through to our 21st century corporate empires, capture imagination, yes they do! They tell you how to live and what to aspire to. But, of late I keep getting "glimpses".... er, glimpses of that strange thing called Kingdom on earth.... rather odd I know, but I am getting them! So the song sets the scene regarding empire and what they do and then mentions these "kingdom glimpses" and then..... we hear the story of someone who SUBVERTED the Empire of his time (Roman and the trad Jewish church) and he did it with none violence!

Musically, it doesn't have a guitar solo - most strange for me!   In fact, the last 2 songs I've posted only have a 20 secondish solo between them!! (perhaps I'm trying to make up for all those electric guitar instrumentals I do???) but there are quite a lot of riffs going on!

So, enjoy the song and work out your own way of subverting the empire that you are currently ensnared in............ you will be, we all are!!! bwah ha ha ha ha!

Peace - Graham

8th January 2008
Happy New Year everyone!!!!!!!!!!
I have already completed the Guitarist Collective task for January, please enjoy it in the Music section, it is called "Circle Around".
I utilised my new Pocket POD by Line 6, so if you like the guitar sound, very phaserish, then that is what I used.

Just watched a moving documentary on TV about some teenagers in Baghdad and they filmed their lives and showed how human they are (well, what did we really expect?) and how they struggle to do the easiest of things. A good documentary that brought humanity back to life in a world that has gone nuts!

Back to music - I never thought i'd say this and particularly now that I am regularly delivering the sort of music that I have wanted to do for ages, but..... I am getting the urge/thought/nudge to do some Praise and Worship type music, something I haven't done for decades...... no idea what has prompted it, but, by using my loop station, I can see me doing "live" solo stuff! - but also there are noises being made in my direction for collaberations, which I have mentioned before and these seem to coincide with a new kind of P&W music, what I mean is to do more "groove" based stuff and leave loads of space for improvisation, anyway, we'll see what happens.
Peace, Graham

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